Sitched
This is a sitchy column where average dudes are free to vent about their respective sitches. It could also be a competition where the winner is actually the loser and visa versa. You get an automatic 100 sitch points for any jail time served and 10 sitch points per day that you are under investigation. A divorce gives you an automatic 1,000 sitch points just for an attempt, regardless of the outcome. Ungainful unemployment earns a yet to be determined amount of sitch points. Having insane Guarani people after your blood has to be worth at least 500 sitch points. The easiest way to earn sitch points, however is to run out of beer. If you run out of beer you get 10,000 sitch points.
posted by Iceman at 6:59 PM
22 Comments:
Ok, I'm giving myself 830 sitch points for being ungainfully unemployed for 83 days, 99 sitch points for grabbing my ankles at the auto repair shop yesterday, and 1,000 sitch points for actually listening to a telemarketer for more than a minute, for a grand total of 1,929 sitch points at the moment.
Well I get 100 sitch points for being on the Gurani hit list. Another 100 for almost running the truck low on oil(since remedied). But being gainfully unemployed gives me negative 3,000,000 sitch points. So I am at -2,999,800 sitch points. Looking good. But shitting your pants is 10000 sitch points although haven't had this problem in quite awhile. I think that any future trips to the guay will result in sitch points being added especially if you take your wife.
Running out of bananas for liquados 100 points.....negative-2,999,700 is the total.
Ok lets talk sitch points. 100 points for somehow ending up on the Gurani hit list. Another 100 for letting the oil level in the truck get low. Put on 100 for running out of bananas for liquados. But for being gainfully unemployed you get a negative 3,000,000 sitch points making my grand total -2,999,700 sitch points.
Some other sitch points: 10000 for shitting your pants, 1000 for just visiting the guay(add 5000 if you take your wife) and up to 10000 points if you go home(ie parents house) for Christmas for the first time sincee 1978. Accidentally lighting your beard on fire 500 points. Having a brother named pollo 10000 points. The list is endless. Where
Where do you redeem the sitch points? Can I get a fishing rod?
Good question about sitch points redemption. I think you can cash them in on December 22 in exchange for an orgasm.
Just go up to a chick, and tell her how many sitch points you have, and say that if she'll have sex with you, the world will be at peace, at least for a day.
If that doesn't work, give all sitch points to Moco Joe, and he'll see that you get the meds you need.
I'm on the Guarani hit list too! I guess that puts me at 2,029 sitch points.
Oh, and I'm painting the kitchen today, and there's no way in hell that I'll finish before the wife gets home. 420 sitch points. I think I'll take those points straight to moco joe immediately.
total: 2,049 sitch points and climbing. I haven't gotten the mail yet.
I just tripped out on the spanish translation used for flat paint. Pintura Mate. Mate was actually and more precisely used for "flat and eggshell paint"
Then I went to pull a brew out of old blue, and my hand was stayed. My beers are lodged in ice. I may need a spud bar for this one.
5,000 sitch points. I'm not out of beer, just can't dislodge it.
Ask Cuz Ed for some M-80s. You take a hammerdrill with a 1/2 masonary bit and drill a hole near the bottom of the ice(be very careful not to pierce the lining of the congelador. Stick the M-80 in the hole and light the fuse. Extra benefit chipped ice. To freak out la esposa use a Camel no filter for a 3-4 minute delayed fuse. Sitch poiints 0...expirience priceless. Hey where do we send the points to Moco JOe?
You don't find Moco Joe. He finds you.
spanked by points...number of sitch pointed awarded depend on whether or not the spanking was solicited.
ok,
i get the 10000 divorce points, plus an extra 50 day cuz i am in the guay... i have no beer, but live near a dispensa..no sitch points...I get the 100 points for the hit list, plus 200 more for knowing you iceman and oso which got me on the list in the first place....
moco joe was at my house for the run...unsolicited...i took the opportunity to cash in on...cost me 420 sitch points.
i did not shit my pants, but a first grader in my class did today..stunk like hell, kid is obviously sick..he had emergency clothes in backpack(if i had known that, zero sitch points)...i earned 100 sitch points, only cuz my class was at recess, and i rerouted them.
that puts me at 19.280 sitch points. good chance lawyer will call....i am on my way to the Cup, boys.
spanked by points...number of sitch pointed awarded depend on whether or not the spanking was solicited.
ok,
i get the 10000 divorce points, plus an extra 50 day cuz i am in the guay... i have no beer, but live near a dispensa..no sitch points...I get the 100 points for the hit list, plus 200 more for knowing you iceman and oso which got me on the list in the first place....
moco joe was at my house for the run...unsolicited...i took the opportunity to cash in on...cost me 420 sitch points.
i did not shit my pants, but a first grader in my class did today..stunk like hell, kid is obviously sick..he had emergency clothes in backpack(if i had known that, zero sitch points)...i earned 100 sitch points, only cuz my class was at recess, and i rerouted them.
that puts me at 19.280 sitch points. good chance lawyer will call....i am on my way to the Cup, boys.
do I get more or less sitch points if i solicited the spanking?
i too am divorced: 10k sitches
i'm remarried: 1k and growing by the sitch
i can't pay my mortgage because i haven't been paid on two major contracts for 6 months on one and a year on the other and other business has been slow: 500 sitches
of my two favorite cousins, one is now dead: 1450 sitches
my life is so dull nobody wants to kill me: 300 sitches
my book got rejected, my movie got panned and my russian tortiose just up and walked away: 5 sitches
grand total:1300 sitch points
attention all players..keep in mind that Sitched follows the gringo calendar year... one can, however, appeal for residual sitch points...at your own risk.
Well no sitch points lately. In fact take home Spanish final -100 sitch points. Possible sitch points if I cannot talk to Pollo soon though. Total sitch points -2,999,600. How many points if your wife yells at you for stopping at a bar on the way home from Spanish class?
you average dudes have brought up a sitchy point. if getting a divorce gets you 10k sitch points, how many do you get for being married? i guess it would depend on the sitch.
Well Pollo, it's a good thing moco joe spends considerable time in the guay, or you would be drowning in sitch points.
I may have to double my sitch points for the hit list, since this is not the first time I've been on one. Furthermore, it's for the same reason.
I finished painting the kitchen,
-420 sitch points.
Cuz ed, you get negative sitch points for solicited spankings and additional sitch points for unsolicited.
Oso, I shat the pants once in Mexico. I was taking a piss in a dive bar, and forgot to pinch the cheeks. Luckily my pad was right around the corner.
I think all of Oso's and Iceman's Hit List sitch points should go to Pollo, who has to actually deal with the reality of Iceman's and Oso's actions once they have left the Guay. Not too many guarani hit men lurking in North St. Paul or Cleveburg.
As to the Divorce issue, in-divorce-utero should provide additional points on top of the recurring divorced with a kid to share for the rest of one's life sitch points, which transcends the calendar year as you will see my good Pollo.
Being married is a relative sitch indeed.
What actions? Pollo can have my Guay sitch points. He will need them. Perhaps I could give him some negative sitch points.
I should have sed, "actions or lack thereof." Ice got the action, maybe he needs some of your neg sitch puntos.
CuzEd,
point well taken.
Yeah, I'm heading to Vegas soon and could definately use some negative sitch points to bet on black.
iceman,
going to vegas for xmas sin esposa is the closest one can come to gaining negative sitch points. the worst thing that could happen would end up with you in jail or the hospital, and even then i am not sure you could end up with too many sitch point. plus, you already have your drinks compt'. please take moco joe with you. that poor little monkey is dying to get out. plus, he has never beeen to vegas.
schools out for summer...no sitch points here.
courts close in jan. temp. hold on Sitch. no sitch points.
xmas de soltero....zero sitch points...
just gotta make it through the week.
I'm piling up sitch points here in So Cal. How many points for 32 degrees in the morning in LA? Hell its warmer in Cleveburg. Dude going to Vegas sin espousa....don't be a dude!
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