Turkish Cigarette Holder

Turkish Cigarette Holder

My friend wrote to me about a Turkish cigarette holder, seemingly identical to the one known to so many Hunter S. photos and caricatures, that he had recently acquired. He shared that one could do anything while smoking with such a device. He told me stories form lawn mowing to snow blowing. While I neither mow my lawn nor blow snow, I felt a desire to have one. You see, my friend is an average dude, and so am I.

I rarely ask my friends for anything (I do, however, greedily enjoy their time), yet I asked my friend to bring a Turkish cigarette holder to our recent reunion. As an average dude, he complied sin falta. I inspected it gleefully, snugly inserted an Lucky Strike, and smoked. At the time, I wasn't needing to do anything else but sit, smoke, and talk, all of which can be executed smoothly without a Turkish cigarette holder, but I enjoyed it all the same. I then carefully removed the butt and nestled my gift deeply and securely in my backpack, in a pocket inaccessible to drunken chickens. I could not lose it, but I did not use it.

Soon after, while waiting for the Heinekin chicks at an average gentleman's club, I popped open a Coors Light and lit up a Lucky. I felt instant shame as I noticed my friend's eyebrow raise while I lit the Lucky. "Dude, where's your holder?" he asked innocently.

Deceptively, yet honestly I claimed, "I put it where I can't lose it, man."

"Not to use it is to lose it," he reminded me gently. Whatever I answered, for I cannot remember, vaulted my insecurities into public view and provided evidence of Ignorance Not Lost. You see, my vanity had gotten the best of my modesty.

I have since returned from our reunion, and I enjoy the Turkish cigarette holder every day as I sit Poolside in the evenings smoking, drinking beers, and thinking. AS I have nothing else to do Poolside, I have found enhanced freedom with the holder although I don't mow or blow. For example, while getting settled Poolside, the placement of the ashtray is no longer a priority as I have a good four to five inches more radius of reach. Also, my fingers no longer repulse me at 4am when I lay awake at night, resting my hand near my face.

Finally, my friend's prophecy came true. I was asked to retrieve something from the cabinets by the quincho (a massive built in BBQ consul commonly found in Paraguayan backyards)right after I had lit a Lucky. Initially I thought, "Phaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Balancing so much cig in a Turkish cigarette holder on a small ashtray is going to suck..."

"You can do anything.....," echoed my friend's voice against the back of my skull. Sure enough, I accomplished the task while lightly and effortlessly placing the holder between my teeth without any smoke burning the fuck out of my eye. I smiled to myself and to my friend, who was, and is, a hemisphere away.

I continue to smoke every Lucky in the holder. Sometimes, many times, I just sit Poolside and smoke, think and drink a brew. Other times, like now, I enjoy a Lucky and write to my friends. All I need now are four walls of plywood well within reach to shelter me from the brewing storm.